Greater effort, greater pain: Givers’ feelings of social exclusion in gift failures across close and distant relationships

Dong Lyu, Zhongfeng Wang, Rongrong Song and Jia Jin ()
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Dong Lyu: Shanghai University of Engineering Science
Zhongfeng Wang: Shanghai International Studies University
Rongrong Song: Shanghai International Studies University
Jia Jin: Shanghai International Studies University

Humanities and Social Sciences Communications, 2025, vol. 12, issue 1, 1-12

Abstract: Abstract In gift-giving, it violates social norms for recipients to explicitly deliver negative evaluations of gifts, potentially causing emotional or psychological harm to givers, which raises ethical concerns. However, recent research indicates that this behavior is surprisingly not rare. While substantial research has focused on instances where recipients are dissatisfied with gifts, little attention has been given to the unique emotional harm experienced by givers and the underlying psychological processes involved. This study addresses this gap from the perspective of social exclusion and examines how givers’ feelings of social exclusion differ between close and distant relationships. We argue that givers tend to devote more effort to selecting gifts for close (vs. distant) recipients, leading them to hold higher expectations of gifting success in close relationships. Instead, when givers get negative feedback from close recipients, they perceive a higher level of expectancy violation, which, in turn, backfires on their perceived threats to the relationship and arouses stronger feelings of social exclusion than in distant relationships. Results from three experiments substantiate our theoretical claims based on the expectancy-violation theory. Further, we apply neuroscience technology (event-related potentials, ERPs) to capture the cognitive characteristics of givers’ emotional experiences, offering additional evidence and insights into givers’ feelings of social exclusion. This research contributes to a deeper understanding of the emotional harm givers experience when their gifts are unappreciated, highlighting the ethical aspect of gift-giving.

Date: 2025
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DOI: 10.1057/s41599-025-06093-z

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